I'm not gonna lie, this month has been a little trying for my heart. Of course it has nothing to do with the actual month of December or the days within it, it has nothing to do with Christmas and all the hustle and bustle included in the season's events, It has nothing to do with the people around me ... it has to do with me. Plain and simple, just me.
I've had a very heavy heart this month, A lot of "life" has happened this past month, a lot of choices, plans, dreams, hopes, realities, options, ... maybe a couple little regrets, and maybe just a few broken pieces lay in the mix.
It's hard to find the happy when your heart is heavy isn't it? I would venture to say that MOST of us at one time or another has felt all these things, battled these things, lost or won at these things. That's life right?
The thing about it is, I don't like being in a place with a heavy heart and looking for joy. Why? Because I know the Author of Joy, and I know that He holds it in His hand for me... so if I'm not finding the Joy that He freely gives, then I must not be holding His hand on this journey. This troubles me more than any "life issue"... because I know that God is my ONLY Lifeline in this Life. If I let go of His hand, even for a second, I risk the chance of life on my own. And even though Parents tell their children eventually that it's time to "let go" and step out on their own... this is not the message God sends to His Children.
The minute we take ahold of Jesus' hand, we are to hold that hand for life.
There is no storm, He can't walk us through. There's no obstacle, He can't help us get over. There's no darkness that He can't overcome with Light. We NEED Him. Life is too big to try and handle on our own. I don't care who you are or what you believe... without Jesus, there is no hope. there is no peace.
So I would say that lately... my snowman has been looking a little more like this:
Ya know, it's so important that we remain transparent with each other in our journeys of faith. It's how we stay real and vulnerable to truth. But it is equally important that we share God's truth in the midst of our struggles as well. It is so easy to believe, and often said, that our struggles are a part of God's plan for our lives and God understands when we let go of His hand and have to do things our way. And He just patiently and lovingly waits for us to come back and grab ahold of His hand again. Even though these things have truth in them, This is NOT what God desires in our relationship with Him. What He tells us over and over again throughout His Word is that we need to seek Him in all things, draw near to Him, follow Him, obey Him, trust Him, ect. He never promises us a life without struggles, but it does not mean that every struggle we face is actually a part of His plan. Just because we choose to do things our own way doesn't mean that God is simply okay with it just because He understands us. And just because He is patient and loving towards us, doesn't mean that His heart isn't broken when we choose to ignore His presence in our lives.
We don't have to go off the deep end and dive into a life of sin in order to break God's heart, we can hurt Him simply by brushing Him aside and allowing anything else to take His place.
As I have gone through the last few weeks, feeling heavy hearted and lacking in joy. I allowed myself to be overwhelmed and distracted by life. But I know that my peace and my joy can only come from my Creator. And I must choose to bring Him back into my center focus and let everything else revolve around that. Life will always have surprises, some I'll like and some I'll hate... but it doesn't matter because the most important thing I have is my relationship with Christ. And the most important job and responsibility that I have is choosing to daily place my hand in His, because THAT is where I will find my peace, my joy, my happy. :)
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