The Enemy...

    Sweet friends.... today was almost unbearable. You've been there right? I think today was one of the heaviest attacks of the enemy I've had on my emotions. I recognized it early on today, but this spiritual battle seemed different than what I have faced before. I don't even know if I can really explain it accurately... but here's the thing. You know that Scripture... "whatever you bind on earth is bound in heaven"? Right you know the one, and it's one of those verses we're all like "oh yeah, yeah, that's good"... like we all really understand it but then we're also like...."what?". Yeah that one. But God has been teaching me a little bit about that verse. I still don't completely get it but there is something about spiritual warfare and that verse and TALKING about things like this... that is binding and loosing things in the spiritual realm. Understand? No? it's okay, I don't completely either... but there IS something to it and God is using my vulnerability in writing here... in my spiritual warfare. Crazy. 

Today... I have felt the crushing pressure in my spirit. The enemy was relentless and for most of the day, I had a really hard time getting a grip on my emotions and a lot of frustration and anger kept warring inside of me. Now, I had a busy work day so I didn't really have the "time" to sit and process ya know, which didn't help but that's life sometimes right? But when I finally did have a moment to stop and "feel" what was going on... it took me down sweet friends. And fast. It was a fight of truth vs. lies and man it was heavy. I was already in the middle of this battle before my husband decided to get involved.... and not in a good way at all. Honestly... the Enemy threw everything he could at me tonight. The jerk. Luckily my husband backed down eventually and just left me alone to fight on my own which is what I needed. And then all of a sudden... done. The pressure lifted, the flood of emotions subsided, and I knew without a doubt... it was warfare. Like I wasn't already tired...lol. I am so done with this day sweet friends. 

I hope something good was accomplished tonight in this battle. I hope God was pleased at the end of it. I stumbled a little, let the despair in a little too much at one point I'll admit that, I was just so tired of all of it. But I think the thing that really pushed me to fight back was the feelings of wanting to be angry with God... look, I'm not going to be angry with God, over any of the things I'm struggling with. I've already determined that in my heart and I really sensed that this was the goal tonight... to get me turned around in that department. Sometimes demons, are just bold ya know? I refuse to go there..simply because I know the Truth in this, God is never wrong. Period. I can be mad at my situation, my faults, shawn's faults, the unfairness of life... but to choose to be mad at God... waste of my time and focus. He loves me. He has a plan that is GOOD. He is upset with the sin, deception, hurt, chaos in our lives right now. No way I'm gonna turn my anger towards Him. I'm going to run to Him with my anger at all these things and let Him help me let go of it all and heal me. And I hope the Enemy heard that message loud and clear tonight.

My body is shaky right now sweet friends. Which, is normal sometimes for spiritual warfare. It's a real thing and many of you totally understand that, you've been there too. That's why we remember in times like this, to continue to "fix our eyes on Jesus" because we have no stinkin' idea what is really going on around us and we have a very real enemy that is definitely out to destroy us. 

I still have all of these emotions to work through. (Tomorrow lol) But the crushing weight is gone and for that, I am very thankful. 

Sweet friends, guard yourselves, recognize the enemy, hold onto Truth, and be ready.... to fight. I am praying for you to stay strong in your battle. You are not alone. Neither am I. Satan can take that note and put it in his back pocket, in case he forgets that about me. Jerk. 

love you guys, it's 2 in the morning, I'm going to bed, goodnight  - d