Learning God's heart in the waiting...

 

You know what's hard sweet friends? I had a really hard and hurtful night tonight.. and I don't have anyone I can talk to about it. Now I have an amazing family who are absolutely there for me no matter what.... but sometimes there are just things that need not be shared with family ya know? If you don't know, that's okay too, I just don't want to dive into the details of why tonight, so hopefully you can just take my word for that. And some friends, which I also have, I don't know, there are some things that I feel are just too much information and honestly sometimes in the struggle, I don't want to cause confusion or a bad witness, does that make sense? I believe in being transparent, and I don't believe any of us should try to hide that we have struggles, actually, I think good leaders and Believers need to in fact, SHOW the world HOW to get through trials and struggles, not pretend we don't have any.  But even with that, I do believe there is wisdom involved and we need to handle ourselves in the best way that glorifies God and doesn't become selfish just because we want to be heard and understood ... kinda make sense? 

Anyway, tonight my head and my heart hurt really bad over some things going on in my life. And I honestly didn't even want to be around any family or friends even trying to do something to take my mind off of things because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to focus or things might just come spilling out. It's a hard place to be right now. Of course God and I had a very long conversation in the car, He has been my best friend for many many many years now... but I admit, I did tell Him how much I wish He'd give me that friend He's promised me. 

This has been an interesting journey too, I KNOW that God has placed the desire in my heart for a good friend, at first that thought was a real struggle for me and something I honestly didn't want, but once I conceded because I understood the nature of why He was placing that desire back in my heart... it's been hard waiting. But ... I think I understand that too, maybe. The truth is, I don't just want anybody, I NEED someone who loves the Lord and someone who will have wisdom in seeing the truth of situations, not someone who gets caught up in emotions of the situations. And that person, whoever they are... is worth the wait.  I'm not even looking for them, because I know, when the time is right, God will make it very clear. Do I have any idea who it could be? Maybe. But I don't want my own thoughts to interfere with the truth. So I will wait, patiently for God to move and fulfill His promise to me. Until then, I will continue to do what I've always done... press on, walk humbly in the midst of what I cannot control and do my best to glorify God with my attitude and actions in the midst of really hard days. Because no matter who is in my life, God will always be the One I run to first.

Is it weird that I'm talking about this on here? Yeah it totally feels that way, however, I know the Spirit's prompting and my guess is, someone reading this needs to hear it. Whether you are in the same place that I'm in and you too are longing for a friend, or maybe you are the friend that God is calling to be in someone else's life.... either way, He has His reasons and even if it feels weird and a little uncomfortable to be so vulnerable with strangers...I'll be obedient.  And truthfully, I highly doubt my "friend" probably reads my blogs lol... although who knows! I'm not gonna worry about it, it is what it is.    

 You know, it probably seems like I have all these expectations for a friend, and really, I don't. In fact, I'll probably give more than I take. I'm not looking for a friend to coddle me or even be around all the time... I don't need that. I just am desiring a good solid friend who will take God's hand and mine at the same time. The kind of friend who I can just tell the hard things to and not have to be careful with what I say (not in vocabulary, but in the details) The kind of friend that maybe I don't even have to say anything but they know I'm having a hard day and they can just pray for me (this one is for real, because most people don't know that I'm having a hard day, not saying that's always the right thing, but it's been the normal for a long time for me) Those are the expectations really, because that's the kind of friend I try to be. 

Why is having a friend like this so important? Man, it's been interesting realizing WHY this type of friend is so important... God is the ONE who sustains me, who COMPLETES me, who makes me WHOLE... and ONLY HIM. But.... God has been revealing some things in me over the past several months, and He is slowly showing me how He is healing me and restoring me in several areas of my life. It is so humbling sweet friends, I don't think I can even put words to it all. God cares so much for us, and the thing is, He could heal me and restore me ALL ON HIS OWN... easy, BUT He CHOOSES to use His Body (us) in the healing and restoration process. What an amazing picture of His heart sweet friends! Not only is He revealing His heart to me as He works to heal and restore me, but He is also teaching me what it looks like to be a part of the Body of Christ and what He expects from all of us. We are all to love our Brothers and Sisters in Christ and work to bring them healing (relationship with God in all things) and restoration (helping them become what God is calling them to be). This process is not just about what God is doing for me, but what He also wants to do through me for other Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Can you imagine, if we all were the kind of friends we all wished we had? We should be. 

In my restoration process, I have a pretty good idea of the type of person God is going to bring into my life. I could be wrong, I'm not God. But... I also have some wisdom and I think I have a pretty good idea what it might look like. And it's a little intimidating, because I am a strong woman, a leader, I can read people pretty well and often can see right through them (know what I mean?) I don't beat around the bush and I get down to business pretty quick, I don't play games and I encourage and sometimes push people in the right direction (in a good leadership type of way..) .... and I'm pretty sure that's exactly the type of person God is gonna send me. Maybe even a few... because that's His nature. Restoration is a real thing with a real process that God only knows, but as excited as I am to have a friend like that, it's also probably gonna be an adjustment being on the other side of things. I'll take it in stride, and I'll be thankful that God is doing a work, even if it is uncomfortable at times. 

Trusting God's heart for us and His timing is part of our faith journey isn't it? It's where the rubber meets the road and we choose to live out what we say we believe. Even in the midst of all this turmoil and hurt, God is revealing His heart to me and I'm learning so many new things about Him on a much deeper level and I am so very thankful for that. God is good, All the time. Don't forget that! Love you sweet friends, now keep trusting God in whatever situation you are in and let's all do a better job loving the people that God places in front of us. We can do this! -d