Oh sweet friends, you know how we read in the Bible all these stories of how God restores right? And He is a Restorer of so many things yes?! Different types of restoration are referenced throughout the Bible and what a beautiful picture of God's heart really. God loves His creation, all of it. And all the things that He's created for us and the good works He's begun in us.... He loves those things too. And when those things, are stolen from us because of whatever circumstances we face and sometimes because we allow the enemy access to take those things from us, or the things that we've forgotten and pushed away because of trials we may have been going through, or the things that we've had to lay down and walk away from for a while because God asked us to in order to serve Him better.
Those things..... He can resurrect and restore.... because that's Who He is and because He loves His creation. It's actually pretty phenomenal if you ask me. Maybe because I'm witnessing this process more than I ever have before and it means so much because it's so .... personal.
So if you've followed my journey on here over the last 10 years (I've been blogging for 10 years... crazy) or if by chance you are someone who actually knows Shawn and I personally... then you know how big this next sentence is...
The time has finally come, honestly quite unexpectedly, but God has called us back to "Church".
I know right?!
Honestly, it has been such a humbling feeling, not in a "don't be prideful" kind of way, but rather in a "thank you God, I have missed this part of my life so much" kind of way. It's humbling because He's been so gentle in drawing us back in to the fellowship of a church body. And the crazy thing here is, this particular church we have felt led to go to... is my roots. I attended this church as a child and there is a real sweetness to this part of my journey. One that I can "feel" is a huge part of my restoration. God is so gentle with us sweet friends. I'm humbled by His hand in my life right now.
I'm also nervous, I'm not gonna lie. You know what's awesome about walking into a place full of SPIRIT FILLED PEOPLE? ..... you instantly feel at "home". You know what's terrifying walking into a place full of Spirit filled people?.... You know the Holy Spirit can tell them anything He wants to about you and they'll hear it. lol.... and as much as I find that comforting, I also find it a little scary right now, know what I mean? There's a lot going on in our lives. A lot going on in my heart. And I've walked a hard journey alone for the last 10 years, an incredibly private journey. What does God have in store for me when it comes to "restoration"? I really have no idea, but you know what my biggest struggle is going to be I think? Vulnerability. And as much as I hate to admit that, because that is not how I want to be.... it's there and I know it's going to be a bit of a struggle to learn how to let go in that area. It's much easier writing to people I can't see... crazy huh? And truthfully, I'm already sensing that He might be talking to some people there about me.... yikes.
You know what else I'm internally having a struggle with... the fact that we had to walk back into a building, in order to feel connection within the Body of Christ. Now we rub shoulders with the Body of Christ all the time sweet friends, you know, we've never given up "meeting together" with other Believers... we just stopped going to the buildings that also housed wickedness and mingled relationship with God and relationship with the gods of this world at the same time (not any different than what we read about in the Bible huh?) but.... it bugs me sweet friends, that in order to belong and frankly be cared about... WE had to GO to a Building.
Now there's nothing wrong with going to a building full of God's people. And these particular people have done nothing wrong. Clearly. But in the past 10 years, of not having a "church" home... God has really taught Shawn and I what He meant about us "Being" the Church. And sadly, we've really realized just how far we ALL have strayed away from God's heart on this. We expect people to come to us. Not us go out... and make disciples.
You know what's crazy, when we made the decision to walk out of the building 10 years ago... people right away wanted us to "come to their church", lots of people from many different churches. Because we had good relationship with many people in the "church community", people knew us, people wanted us in ministry at their church. Awesome. Of course, we said no since God was the one removing us from this particular part of our lives. But over time, you know what happened? We didn't matter anymore. Now that sounds harsh... but????
It's okay, we aren't actually upset about it, but it was a HUGE learning experience for us. We NEEDED the Body of Christ sweet friends, really in so many ways... and so many of them (not all but most) were no where to be found, because they were too busy inside their buildings. And my guess is assuming we were inside a different building therefore not needing any of them to care... which totally was not the case. And I believe that is the absolute truth. Now we were just as guilty right? It just took us walking out to realize how we ALL were missing the point of how to "BE" the Church.
God has taught us over the past 10 years how to really "love our neighbors" and honestly sweet friends, I am so very thankful for this hard and sometimes painful lesson we have learned. And it's a lesson that we are not going to forget, even as we step back into a building. WE are the CHURCH and we need to connect and love on our Brothers and Sisters in Christ no matter whether they frequent a building here in town or not. We've got to do a better job at being the Body. What if.... there's people out there just like us, going through some really hard things, and they never make their way into our building? What happens to them? Is it their fault? Is it our fault? Is it both? I don't know. There's an element to us taking the first step towards connection, taking responsibility in knowing that is what God is calling us to do and also realizing the place we are at and the need to belong right now. However, we are the Body of Christ and there is an expectation that God places on us to do what He's called us to do in loving the Body and that is more us learning how to sacrifice and lay down our lives for others, not wait for everyone to come to us.
There's a balance but we need to know what that balance is.
If anything, this journey has taught me to not wait to love on somebody if I have an opportunity to do so. To not just assume that "somebody else" is being a friend, or a support, or an encourager... just "do" whatever God is laying on my heart to do "WHEN" He's asking me to do it. Obedience really is all it is sweet friends. And a willingness to be a little "inconvenienced" to take my focus off of my own life for a little bit and really practice loving others.
So, this is a bit of an adjustment, stepping back inside a building and all that comes with it. Keeping my heart soft to the things that God is actually calling me back to (I know some of those things are coming... because it's who I am and I know it's part of what God is wanting to restore in me) I'm not ready today, I may not be ready for a while... but I will fight the fear and the tired and do my best to let go and let God resurrect the things that have died within me over the years... because those things belong to Him, and whatever He desires from me.... I want to be obedient. He deserves nothing less. Because He has always been faithful, even when I allowed the enemy to steal from me, even when I buried and silenced the dreams and desires He had placed within me, even when I've forgotten the purposes and His promises for me, even when I willingly laid down those things that were so very important to me, the things that helped define who I was, because He asked for my heart before my talents... I laid them down at His feet. And now, I'm going to watch God restore all the things that I have lost over the years.
Because HE is always faithful sweet friends. He is always faithful.
I'm guessing... there's more to come. ;) love ya sweet friends. -d
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