I know that the Enemy is definitely working here and trying very hard to hurt me, that is evident, also not surprising right? That's what he does. But what is surprising to me is the power of this thought and how it has gripped my heart and my head and it's like I didn't even see it coming ya know? And I feel like I should've been better guarded against it.
Now I know that I am not the only one here in this place. I know this, because I am a part of a few private Christian Online Groups and I have seen posts from people who are feeling this very same thing, some of you may even be reading this post... so let's talk about some stuff.
I absolutely believe that trauma affects us in this way. This past month for me, has been pretty hard. Things have been said to me, awful things that have ripped me up inside, things have even been said about me to others that tried to tear my character apart. Annnnd.... I have felt incredibly lonely and like no one really cares how I am. Now to put that into perspective... I love people, and I love to love on people, and I think the things I have had to go through over the past years has made me more determined to not let people feel alone in their struggles because I do know what that feels like.
Like many of you I'm sure, I am a Giver. I am really good at connecting with people and reaching out. I'm not afraid to reach out to people, even the hard ones that have a metaphorically 50 foot brick wall in front of them with a sign that says, "go away"... I'll still climb the wall... mainly, because I get it and I know that behind that wall.... they really just want to be cared about and loved too. I am a leader and it is just in me to take the initiative. Plus I've learned.... what do I really have to lose? Nothing sweet friends, we don't have anything to lose by loving on people. Worst case, they push us away and don't want any kind of relationship with us... and that's okay, we just move on.
Here's the hard part for us.... sometimes we can feel rejected and unlovable when no one ever reciprocates back...right? It's okay, that's a normal feeling. We begin to think maybe we are just too much for people, that they are annoyed with us, we're not wanted and they are just being "nice" hoping we'll get the clue and leave them alone..right? I know sweet friends, I have definitely had moments like this, even recently. I kinda dumped on someone the other day because there was just so much going on and I do trust this person with delicate information...but it didn't change the fact that as soon as I sent the message... I felt terrible, like it was too much, like I was too much. And THAT, now that I've thought about it, I believe is....garbage.
If someone chooses me, to unload heavy burdens onto because they need a strong hand to hold in that moment of unraveling... I would feel honored sweet friends, not angry. And people do that with me all the time, and not once have I ever been upset with them for choosing me.
And why would me choosing someone to trust like that be any different? I don't think it is. I think that insecurity and uncertainty in my life right now, has produced these feelings of unworthiness of other people's love and care.
Sweet friends, especially those of us that are Givers, empathizers, loving people.... we have to fight these feelings... because that is all they are. They are not the TRUTH. And I believe Satan attacks us in this way because he knows how powerful it is to have the ability and drive to really know how to love people. And if he can keep us silent and invisible and constantly questioning our own worth... then that is exactly what he is gonna do yeah?
So reach out sweet friends, and let's all do this, with NO EXPECTATIONS of people. If they ignore us, fine. If they barely acknowledge us, fine. Because sometimes .... they have nothing left to give. And maybe God is calling us to be the ones to help "fill them back up"...right? Sometimes, He calls us to love on other Givers, and it's easy for us to have expectations of them, and it can feel like they just don't like us if they don't give back... don't do that sweet friends, we don't know what they are going through and we know that Givers are usually the ones that get overlooked, because We are the ones that everybody runs to for encouragement. Givers run dry too... so just pour into the Givers that God brings into your path. Pray for them, love on them, don't expect anything in return... just Give.
One thing that I am realizing, by all the things I've been reading from broken and lonely people, and my own journey of feeling lost and alone and unsure if I'm really cared about at times.... we have all become TERRIBLE at just reaching out and loving on people. We, especially the Believers... we have adopted the world's theory, that everyone has to come to us and ASK for help. It's sad. Oh there is a small amount of truth there, people need to want help...but where did we go wrong in being the hands and feet of Jesus? We can only love on people, encourage them, help them...if they first come to us and ask? No... that's not how it's supposed to be sweet friends. And self help, we all just counsel ourselves now. We'd all rather sit around reading books how to get through something than find people to talk with about it. And therapy, nothing wrong with it... but that's everyone's answer. The easy answer to everything "go find a therapist".
I grew up in the church, and I've been in ministry since I was a teenager. And my friend circles all throughout my life... have always been people who love people, and love helping people, and who have solid relationships with Jesus... I am so thankful and fortunate, that I never needed to "go find a therapist"
What has happened to the people of God? Where are they? Honestly, shame on us. I wonder what God thinks of us in this respect. Kinda hurts my heart. We know the truth, we can walk with people in the truth. Sure there is "techniques" and "insights" in this world that help for sure. There is nothing wrong with therapy sweet friends. I personally am looking in that direction, but it's also because... there seems to be NO ONE in my life right now that is willing to just sit down and talk truth with me for more than 5 minutes. And that breaks my heart. Worldly wisdom will only take us so far sweet friends, but spirit filled believers, who walk daily in relationship with God, will take us farther and break more bondages than the most "well educated" worldly options available. Where are God's People?
Why are we so afraid to walk with the broken? I have more messages and people stopping me in public thanking me for what I write, and asking me for advice, and prayer, and connection is what it is. I am pretty blunt with everyone that I don't have all the answers, and no one should be confused that I am learning as I go if they are reading anything that I am putting out. And even though I do not FEEL worthy to give any advice... I will walk with you, and I will dig into truth with you, and I will reach out and let you know, that I simply care and I am here. Because....why would I not do that?
I don't know how the "church" has lost it's fire. I don't know when we started backing off and letting the world handle everyone's problems. I don't know why we are so confused that we don't see God moving among us like He used to. I don't know why we are content not seeing miracles, healings, people set free, people made whole, hearing testimonies of what God is doing in someone's life... (when is the last time you heard a testimony in church even?) Where did we go Believers?
Maybe we just decided to stop being the Hands and Feet of Jesus to the world around us. And...Who convinced us, we'd be better off leaving everyone alone?
Who's been convincing us, that we are so hard to love?
Pretty sure it wasn't Jesus.
Worth a ponder sweet friends, -d
ps. God is faithful sweet friends. I had a really bad week... and 2 people, reached out to me just to let me know they were thinking and praying for me. (I didn't have to reach out to them and tell them I was having a hard week) It made a huge difference in my heart. They'll never know the impact their text meant at those moments. But that's what I'm talking about sweet friends... we all need MORE of that.
Thanking God for the REAL friends He is starting to bring into my life ... He's got some for you too, hang in there. Want to find a real friend??????? Then just be one. The right ones will start loving you back. Be patient. Love without expectations, They'll eventually show up. Love you sweet friends.
Hands and Feet.... Hands and Feet.
