and then...
You look over and there's someone else doing the exact same thing as you, maybe. even. better. OR maybe they're completely new at it and they don't have a clue what they are doing but... they're getting the same recognition as you, or maybe. even. more. Maybe you love the Lord and you do your best to spend time with Him daily and please Him with your life and your goal is to walk in the joy of the Lord. You pray that He blesses your commitment and your life as you strive to serve Him, but...you've hit a hard time in your life, you struggle to keep moving, keep reading, keep praying, keep serving but you still love Him with your whole heart... you look over and see joy on someone else's face, you see the excitement in their face that you are struggling to get back and you feel discouraged as to why you have to face this trial and see others being joyous in where God is taking them.
How do you deal with this?
It's actually really simple: Worry about your own Commitment.
It doesn't "feel" simple I know...because we are made of flesh and full of emotions, but this is where the rubber meets the road in our obedience to the One who calls us. It is so easy for us to get distracted in this life isn't it? We not only live in a world that is consumed by "comparison" but unfortunately we are seeing this same consumption within our churches and the Christian world, and we have to be so careful to not become entangled in the Enemy's game.
The Body of Christ is such a beautiful testimony of who God is. He created us all uniquely with our own giftings, talents, callings, and specifically laid out path... that ALL makes up ONE Thing...HIS GLORY. That's why this becomes easier, when we get to the place that we understand that our lives, and everything we are made up of, is for Him and Him alone. He loves us so much. He created each one of us with a purpose. Doesn't that make you feel so important to God and so loved? I know it does for me.
So many times I have felt inadequate, unimportant, used, not strong enough, and yes, even "burnt out"... but, that's because I was looking around me, comparing myself to others, wondering why they were more popular with the people than me, wondering why leaders liked them better than me, ect. Oh how much joy in serving my Savior I missed out on while focusing on things I didn't understand. Instead of looking around, we need to remember to look up. Fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, We often use the phrase "I Do it for the Audience of ONE"... but do we really?
I went through a really hard time a few years back, see I grew up in the church. I've always been involved in church, as a child, as a teen, and as an adult. I started participating in ministry teams when I was 9 years old, I was leading and teaching those younger than me at the age of 12 and it continued ever since. I loved church, I loved serving in my church. I've done a lot of things within the church. I was always at church, serving in ministry. I've served in several different churches. But then a few years ago, I realized I just couldn't do it anymore. Through all the ups and downs, through all the successes and failures, through all the lessons learned up till now... have led me to ONE thing:
I have learned how to really know and love my God. I have learned through His Word and by sitting at His feet, what His character is and what His heart is for His people. I love Him so much and though there is still so much for me to learn about Him, and ministry, and life... I know Him well. I am so very thankful for the opportunities I have had to watch and learn from godly men and women leaders, who not only invested in my life but showed me what it really looks like to love Jesus and to live for Him daily. Solid, Sound minded, Bold, Faithful Servants, Unwavering Character, Committed to Truth Leaders. I am also thankful that I have been able to witness what poor leadership looks like and those who pretend to love the Lord with EVERYTHING and how God is still faithful and always takes care of those who love and seek Him despite these people. BUT...
My biggest lesson in ministry, in my personal relationship with Jesus came a few years ago, when I could no longer force myself to simply "participate" in "church" because ya know..."THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO..."
I've learned that God wants our hearts before He wants our ministry.
He wants our commitment to Him, before He wants our commitment to a church.
The same goes for our churches....
God wants people's hearts before He wants their talents.
God wants His Church to be a true reflection of who He is and who He calls us to be.
Unfortunately, we are living in a different day than we were 20 years ago. It's not just that things are "changing", change is a part of life and a crucial part of growth... but we are experiencing a different kind of "change" in our churches. It's not a surprise, God told us it would happen, but it's heartbreaking just the same. I pray and long for the revival of God's people. For the day when the "church" turns back to caring only about the "Audience of ONE again". When those who are sick, can be healed.. when those who are lost, can be found... when those who are caught in bondage, can be set free... and when those who choose to follow Jesus, can be transformed as His Children.
Today I am sure that in parts of this world, there are those churches who hold fast to the Truth of Jesus. I am sure that the Body of Christ is stronger than ever, full of Children of God who love Him wholeheartedly, who strive to be holy, who are quick to repent and turn from sin they have stumbled into. I believe there are pastors and teachers and leaders and workers who take their walk with God seriously and I am sure He is using them mightily. I believe this!
But... in my own walk, as a strong leader and solid Believer, and someone who does her very best to love and please her Lord daily (no, I'm not perfect...but I aim for it! 2 Cor. 13:11)… I had to choose whether or not to link arms with fellow Believers... who openly lived in sin, with no remorse or repentance, and whether or not I could link arms with other leaders who, instead of preaching freedom from sin, did their very best to "make room" for those sins. (I am not talking about one set of people or pastors or churches here either...a bunch) What a confusing example to all those watching. What a heartbreaking thing to witness that rather than sharing the Truth of who God is and the power He has to set us all free, only half truths would be shared all while elevating our need to be able to sin instead of our need for a Savior.
The conclusion to my decision to step away from the "church" (not the Body of Christ...but the church, at least from the local ones we have access to, at least for now...(there's always hope)) I had to make a choice to either link arms with leadership pretending to do things God's way, or break away and be true to the leader God calls me (all of us) to be. For me, it takes more than a church full of nice people and nice pastors...it's about the leadership and the example set for Believers. We must be very careful who we submit to that influence our lives. (that's Biblical!)
The heartbreaking side for me is that I really do miss church. I miss the hands on ministry with people, I miss the feel of a "church family" not people to potluck with but people who you actually knew things about their lives, you invested in each other, I haven't seen that kind of unity or family in a church in a long time... lots of activity, but very little real fellowship. I miss that. But...oh the things God has showed me during this time of seeking Him and His will for my life...without a church.
See, I cried out to God a few years ago, I said "What am I supposed to do if I don't have a church? How am I supposed to serve if I have no ministry? What about all my gifts and talents?" … And in the quiet, through the tears, I heard my Master's voice.. "It doesn't matter what you do, it matters how you serve Me everyday." and with that, came the clarity I needed. In order to use our gifts and our talents for God...we have to in fact, USE THEM FOR HIS GLORY. What good does it do me, to use the gifts and talents God gave me within a church that does not honor Him, obey Him, or lead people to Him? We cannot lead people astray from God and be glorifying Him at the same time.
Yes, I have many gifts and talents, but if God chooses for me to not be busy using those gifts and talents right now... because that honors Him.... then, I'm okay with that. Is it hard to watch other individuals doing ministry? Sure at times, but I've decided in my heart that I would rather be faithful to God than use my talents "just because". This might sound "harsh" to some, and that's okay. (Trust me, I didn't want to write and share all of this either but God has told me to do it and I am trusting Him through this that there is a reason I am sharing these very personal decisions with you) My heart is not to bash churches, that is not my desire. I know that there are churches out there glorifying God and shining a light in this dark world. But.. I am also aware of the day and age we are living in, it is evident to see Satan moving into not only our culture but into our churches and deceiving people...easily.
So here's the deal, whether you have found a church home that really loves the Lord and preaches His heart and you are actively serving within that ministry, or if you are like me at the moment that does not have a church home to actively serve in, I encourage you to seek Him first.
Let Him lead you daily in how to please Him with your life. Sometimes that may involve other people, we live in a hurting world with people all around us that need Jesus. Pray that God opens your eyes and helps you to see them. Sometimes it may just be how you live out your day at home, how you steward your time, your money, your priorities, how you love your family... just love God with your whole heart and walk in obedience to Him.
God is calling His Children to be committed... not to ourselves, not to the world, not to our churches, not to our own talents, not to other people, not to our own ideas of "Christianity", but to Himself. "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Live for an audience of ONE. It's not easy, it will be hard but I promise you, if we fix our eyes on Jesus, and worry about our own commitment to our Creator... everything will be just fine. <3
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